**** I apologise for the language used in this post.. but ‘nice’ language wasn’t going to suffice.
I rolled my eyes when I saw I had one message under the ‘other‘ category on my Facebook PMs. Let me guess, some guy wanting to show me his dick, some fraudster with $1,000,000 that was left to me in the will of a long lost non-existant relative. I clicked on the message and as I did, realised the name was that of the 16-year-old son of one of our friends. We don’t see this friend a lot, mainly because we are busy and she is busy, but also because her husband is very controlling (putting it very politely) and extremely religious – as is our friend.
The family are very strict Catholics and something I’ve always appreciated about our friend is that she has always welcomed us into her home; she is of the belief that love is love and you can’t help who you love. On the instances we were at her house she was very open with questions – I like that she was so curious – that she took the time to listen and try to understand us, when according to her religious belief system homosexuality is a sin.
Her husband on the other hand… men and women are put on the Earth to procreate, women’s purpose in life is to pop out babies and to serve the men in the family. Not just her husband but also her sons. The one time we were at her house when the husband arrived home unexpectedly he looked at like we had horns growing out of our heads, had long pointy tails, were bright red and had flames shooting up all around us. His thoughts were very easy to read. Sinners. Get the fuck out of my fucking house. Now.
All because I love my wife and she loves me. All because we treat each other as equals. All because we each found our soulmate. All because our marriage is a happy one. All because we have a family together.
Who the fuck are we to… y’know, love each other, love our family and be happy? Seriously?
Now that I have set the context I shall continue with my venty little post.
Facebook. Message from this young man.
I know he didn’t mean ‘ha gay’ as in ‘I have to go to bed early’ ‘ha! gay!’. He was saying ‘ha, you are gay and that is disgusting, burn in hell mother fucker’.
Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree does it?
I feel like a right twat. Earlier this week I was thinking about the world our kids are growing up in and the fact there is a lot more tolerance/acceptance of the LGBTQI community. There is more than when I was growing up, more than when my parents were growing up, more than when my grandparents were growing up; I know there is still a very long way to go, but I thought that perhaps we’re finally starting to get it right, that this younger generation are going to grow up even more tolerant/accepting than young people these days. For a moment there I felt proud of living in a country where same sex marriage is legal, where two women can walk down the street holding hands and not fear for their lives, where most people don’t bat an eyelid when they see two men or two women who are obviously romantically involved.
When I told my (then) 5-year-old daughter that I was in love with and going to marry a woman all she was worried about was whether or not she would get to wear a princess dress. I guess we got lured into a false sense of security because neither of us had any negative reactions when telling someone about our relationship and then about our impending marriage; quite the opposite, everyone has been so supportive of us, so accepting of our relationship. We have been very lucky.
That message today… it shook me up. It made me realise that not everyone in this world is as open-minded, supportive or accepting as those we are lucky enough to be surrounded by. What unsettled me the most about it is that this 16 year-old has learnt this sort of intolerance and let’s face it – assholyness – from a parental figure. As kids we think our parents are godlike, what they say is the absolute truth, we model ourselves on the way they act, what they say, what they do, what they think… it’s not intentional, it just happens. I guess it is evolutionary and way-back-when probably helped the young develop the skills necessary to survive.
Whatever the reason, this kid has now been programmed to act, think and be a certain way. He is going to carry on the nasty circle of hatred and intolerance toward the LGBTQI community. Him and his little friends who have been brought up the same way. Those little shitheads will go on to procreate – because it is after all, our reason for existence – and then teach their children to be prejudiced, judgemental, close-minded, intolerant. Those children will grow up and have children, and unless the cycle is broken those children will be like the generations of men and women before them.
Please note: I am by no means saying that all religious people are like the young man I am talking about. As I said earlier, his own mother is the opposite of what he is and I know plenty of other religious people who are supporters of LGBTQI rights and of same-sex marriage; in the same way there are a lot of non-religious people in the world who are anti-LGBTQI rights and against same-sex marriage. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs, but everyone should be entitled to live their life the way they want, without fear of judgement or worse (and in some cases much worse).
I hope that something happens in this kids brain and he re-thinks the way he acts. He can think homosexuality is a sin but he doesn’t have to act on those thoughts by saying or doing something to insult or hurt another person.
I hope so for his future wife. I hope so for his future kids. I hope so for his kids’ kids and their kids… and on and on.
Let’s face it though. That probably won’t happen. He will be like his father and not entirely to blame for the way he is… it is what he knows, after all. It is his normal – it’s sad when you put it that way – sad and scary.
In the meantime I will enjoy being married to my soulmate, my equal, the woman who loves me for me, who lets me be who I am.
Oh – while I’m at it I will also take great pleasure (figuratively and very literally) out of the spectacular sex that is part and parcel of being in a loving marriage such as ours. Sex that is 100% about pleasure – not procreation or duty.