Sex – so much more than penis-in-vagina

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‘When a mummy and daddy love each other very much, they cuddle closely and daddy puts his penis in mummy’s vagina…’

From those very first ‘birds and bees’ talks we are told that sex is essentially a man putting his penis in a woman’s vagina… and that is it.  We don’t question whether there is more to it or not and we certainly aren’t told that while, yes, sexual intercourse is the act of a man putting his penis in a woman’s vagina, there is actually far, far more to it; a beautifully broad spectrum if you will.

It wasn’t until my late 20’s that I realised the definition of sex isn’t quite as black and white (or penis in vagina) as I thought it was.  It’s not that I was brought up being told ‘sex is a penis in a vagina and nothing else’, it was just something I didn’t question.  Somewhere along the line society, as a whole, developed an inherent belief about what constitutes sex.  It’s something we giggle about as kids, it’s something we’re curious about as teens, something we may or may not enjoy as adults… yeap, good old penis-in-vagina, ‘he puts his what in my where?’ heterosexual penetrative sexual intercourse.

To that idea, I now say a big fat bitch please!

If there is one thing being a woman married to a woman has taught me, it is that there is soooooooooo much more to sex than a hard penis in a (hopefully! essentially!!!) wet vagina.

Firstly – and most obviously – if the two components of sex are a penis and a vagina there is no way my wife and I could have sex – and boy-oh-boy, we have some bloody spectacular sex!  It would also mean there is no way two men could have sex, meaning the only people in the world who could actually have sex would be those of the heterosexual persuasion – oh, and of course those greeeedy bisexuals*… or at least half the time.
(*I know it’s hard to convey a sarcastic tone in one’s writing so if you think I am being serious when I refer to bisexuals as greedy, I am most certainly not… I am simply being sarcastic as hell!)

I had the wool pulled over my eyes as well as, right up until I met the fantabulous woman who was to become my wife, sex was the act of a Untitled-7man putting his penis in my vagina; ‘everything else’ was classed as foreplay, was classed as a build up to the so-called ‘main event’, was merely something to do other than having sex… perhaps because he was tired, or I was tired, or one of us wasn’t in the mood, or you know, perhaps I was a bit sore from having weekend long daughter-with-her-dad sexathon.  I never once really stopped to think about what was below the surface when it came to sex, there was P-in-V and there was ‘everything else’; I enjoyed all of the above, but if there was no P-in-V action – regardless of whatever else happened – I would think of it as having not had sex.

Then I met my wife and it was like a whole new world opened up to me.

The first time we made each other orgasm that is precisely how I thought of it, ‘we made each other orgasm‘ – we didn’t ‘have sex‘.  Thinking about it that way, I was struck by the thought that perhaps I’d never have sex again, I’d simply have a life full of (amazingly overhwelming) foreplay-esque activities.  During our first week together I struggled with how to refer to what we physically did to bring one another to orgasm.  “She fingered me and I came”, “I went down on her and she came”, “I rubbed against her thigh and I came”, “I played with her nipples until she came”.  It was like a beautifully delicious mindblowing cause and effect cycle.

But that wasn’t how I thought about sex as I had known it until that point (ie when I had had sex with someone with a penis).  What was the difference?  If anything, what we did to each other made me feel better than anything I’d ever done with a man.

It was confusing and began feeling like the whole ‘which came first, the chicken or the egg?’ predicament.  What we did to each other felt better than sex, yet… it wasn’t sex, because there wasn’t a penis involved.  Right?

Then it dawned on me one day.  Sex is whatever the hell you want it to be!!!

It might be the typically thought of penis/vagina thrusting/grinding combination ending in an orgasm, but it could also be:
– fingering, either vaginal or anal
– anal penetration, either with a penis, sex toy, finger/s or even (not for beginners!) a fist
– stimulation of genitals using the mouth – the tongue, the lips, the teeth (again, not for beginners!)
– hand job (on man generally, but you can stimulate the clit in a similar way using your fingers!)
– biting, in any way and on any body part that causes an influx of horny feelings (this may be my weakness…)
– nipple stimulation, male or female, rubbing, tweaking, pulling, twisting, flicking, licking, tugging with teeth
– spanking
– use of restraints, ropes, hand cuffs, strong tape, scarves which are conveniently placed at the head and foot of your bed (not that I know  this from personal experience…)

templeIt doesn’t stop at the obvious physical stuff though – or not for me anyway.  Because there is no penis in our sex equation, I don’t tend to think of anything we do as foreplay per’se (can’t resist a good rhyme), rather, I see everything we do – that leads to us losing control in even the slightest way – as sex.  I enjoy a passionate, hunger-fuelled kissing session almost as much as I enjoy my wife working her special brand of magic with her fingers; I love rubbing her bottom gently until she’s whimpering and writhing around begging for more, as much as I love spanking her and making her scream so loud the neighbours would probably consider calling the police.

Sex has gone from being something physical for me, to being something that is physical and emotional, as well as being – in a weird way – somewhat spiritual.  Sex is now more about expressing my love in a variety of physical ways, of enjoying the contact with my wife.  I guess it’s about the connection; the special connection between us and only us, as lovers and wives, as two individuals who are totally crazy about each other.

I guess what this whole spiel is about, is the fact that sex is what you make it.  It should be defined by the individual, couple, trio, quartet (and on) in question.  As a sexual abuse survivor I think it is also extremely important to add that however sex is defined between two or more people, it should be a mutual decision, a decision made with both/all sides of the equation in mind and not serving the interests of one person over the other.

50 Shades of… what’s all the fuss about?

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On Friday night I finally went to see Fifty Shades of Grey.

First thought?  I liked the movie a LOT more than the book… for one thing there was no inner goddess interrupting every five minutes!

Second thought?  Okay, the acting wasn’t the best, but as the movie went on the Christian Grey on the screen became closer to the Christian Grey I had imagined while reading the book.  Ana, on the other hand?  She reminded me so much of Cecile (Selma Blair) from Cruel Intentions that occasionally I forgot what movie I was watching, and kept expecting Ryan Phillippe to join her.

My main thought though?   I don’t know what all the fuss (ie critique) is about, with regard to the movie itself.  I personally thought the movie portrayed the relationship very well, particularly with regard to Ana willingly consenting to the type of relationship Christian wanted.  I didn’t see it as an abusive relationship – whereas in the book I did (to an extent) – I don’t know that it is a portrayal of a typical BDSM relationship, but it wasn’t something either of them jumped into quickly, or without discussion.

Having been in a sexually abusive relationship – masked as BDSM – the situation between Christian and Ana was 50,000 times different to the relationships and dynamics I experienced with my ex.  If it were an abusive relationship Christian wouldn’t have allowed Ana to make amendments to the contract, he wouldn’t have laid it all out like that for her.  He wouldn’t have cared about what she wanted or didn’t want and would have gone ahead and anally fisted her, not caring it was on her list of NOOOOOO NEVER EVER EVER.

I got the feeling by the end of the movie that Ana felt empowered and strong.  She had the lady-balls to tell Christian she did NOT like the way he was treating her and that the relationship had gone too far.   No way was she going to put up with it any longer, and she told him so.  She left.

Yes.  She LEFT.  She stood up for herself and left.

Leaving isn’t something done easily in a sexually abusive relationship.  In fact it is a bloody hard thing to do… so hard that a lot of victims just don’t do it.  But Ana, the first occurance of Christian taking things too far, the first time she felt as if she was out of her depth, the first time she felt he didn’t truly respect her, she left.  Yes, she is the one who told Christian to take her into the red room and show her what he was really like… but when she realised she couldn’t handle that version of Christian, she left.

It occurred to me while talking to my friend about the movie on the way home, that if Fifty Shades of Grey (the books) didn’t exist, but the movie did, people would go into the movie with a far more open mind.  Rather than seeing it as a story of sexually abusive domination, perhaps they would see it as a story about BDSM, about another sexual lifestyle?  Rather than seeing it as a story about an older, powerful man controlling a younger, naive woman, people would see it as a story about the importance of consent in relationships?  Rather than seeing it as an example of a woman caught under the spell of a messed-up control freak in all aspects of life, they would see it as the journey of this woman from timid and shy, to empowered and strong, strong enough to walk out when she felt she wasn’t being treated with the respect she deserved.

As for people complaining about the supposedly explicit sex scenes?   I have seen far more explicit sex scenes in mainstream movies!  Sure, it was a bit weird to be watching them on the big screen with strangers around me, but I have certainly seen worse.  It definitely deserves the R18 rating, but it most certainly wasn’t ‘pornographic’ as has been stated in many articles I’ve read.

If I am honest… I loved the sex scenes!  I thought they were tastefully done, showing enough to get your heart racing, but not so much it felt as if you were watching bonafide porn.  With regard to the BDSM scenes (spanking etc), I think those were particularly enjoyable to watch, and I can guarantee you that after seeing the movie, couples would have stopped at their nearest hardware store to buy a length of rope, or made good use of ties, experimented with feathers and other fabrics on the skin, on blindfolding and teasing each other.  It was by no means gratuitous, it was by no means violent (with the exception of the very last scene in the red room, when Ana decides she’s had enough).

No, this movie isn’t going to be to everyone’s liking, in the same way Avatar wasn’t to everyone’s liking, or The Notebook, or Armageddon, or American Pie, or Toy Story, or (this one shocks me!) Grease.  People who see the movie have every right to give their own review, their own critique… but if you don’t see the movie you have no right to bash it, to be negative and insulting about it.  Roll your eyes all you want, think every negative thing you want, but until you see it for yourself you don’t really have a right to give any form of feedback, negative or positive.

I have to share this because I'm a lip biter with a major elevator sex fetish...

I have to share this because I’m a lip biter with a major elevator sex fetish…

Sex and depression: I think I’m abnormal

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I knew I needed to go on anti-depressants about 18 months before I finally took the leap (well, had the breakdown) and went to the doctor (well, was dragged to the doctor) to finally ask for help.  I hate to admit it but one of the reasons I was reluctant to go on anti-depressants was due to fear they would have a bad impact on my libido.  My wife and I have always enjoyed an active sex life and I didn’t want that to disappear; I didn’t want to go from wanting sex numerous times a week to having sex once a month because I felt guilty for not wanting it AT ALL.

As I saw it at the time (and still do now) I was extremely lucky that depression hadn’t been a libido-killer in itself.  A lot of the literature I read explained a common symptom of depression was a lack of libido and potentially complete disinterest in sex.  For me that was never the case, even at my worst I wanted craved sex with my wife – if anything my libido increased – to the point I almost felt obsessed with sex.

I am the sort of writer who needs to be in a sexual state of mind to write about sex and it was a relief that even if I couldn’t be bothered having a shower, getting dressed, going out into public, I still wanted to write, and I still wanted to have sex.

At that initial appointment when I was put on Fluoxetine, the doctor warned me about a decreased or non-existant libido – and I worried about that – more than worried actually, to the point I considered not starting the medication.  I felt that without my libido, without that familiar part of my being I would become more of a shell.  I might have been depressed, I might have been moody, I might have wondered a few (million) times why anyone would want me… but I was still horny old Bree, I was still spending hours a week writing erotica.  It was really the only part of me that I felt wasn’t broken, as if it was the tiny little thread of sanity that was holding me together.

Imagining life without my libido, without my passion for writing erotica… it was beyond terrifying.  Then I put myself in my wife’s shoes and realised not going on anti-depressants because I wanted to retain my libido – while losing everything else – was plain old selfish, stupid, and just didn’t make sense.

Surprisingly, my fear about losing my libido never had anything to do with worrying that if I didn’t want sex, my wife would leave me.  This, from a woman who, not so long ago, used sex as a way to keep a relationship together.  I knew that if I never wanted sex again my wife would still be right by my side, being the utterly amazing woman she always is… I suppose that was the one positive out of that dark time in my life.  I realised I was indeed truly loved.  Sure, most of the time I had no idea why she would want to love me, but knowing I was loved really was a bright spot for me.

I went on my meds.

I waited for my libido to disappear.  It didn’t.  If anything it increased.

And the stupid thing about this?  I felt like there was something wrong with me.  Yeap.  Most people feel something is wrong if their libido wanes, but I wondered if something was wrong with me because it increased so much.  My wife, as usual, told me I was being silly and I was perfectly normal, but it took me a long time to believe her.

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Around four months ago my meds were upped and again I went through the ‘am I going to lose my libido’ panic, to the point that – yet again – I wondered if perhaps I shouldn’t start the increased dosage and stick to what was[n’t really] working.  My wife pretty much told me to get over myself (it was what I needed her to do, and I know it wasn’t coming from a negative place) and that if my libido did go wonky, we would deal with it.

The increase doesn’t seem to have effected my libido and I have finally accepted that I am one of the exceptions to the depression=low libido rule.

I have thought about it a lot however, and came to realise that for me, sex is part of how I cope with depression.  Some people use exercise as an anti-depressant, I use sexercise.  On a deeper level, I think it is my wife that is my anti-depressant.  Throughout this particular depression journey the one thing I have wanted needed is to be close to my wife.  I might push other people away and go even further into my introvert shell, but when it comes to my wife I need her right by my side as much as possible.  Just being in her presence has a calming effect on me.

With all this thinking about it, I realise that intimacy with my wifey is like a booster shot of sorts… we have sex and I instantly feel better on an emotional and mental level.  I suppose it’s because of the feel-good hormones released when orgasm occurs; I love being flooded with the post-orgasm sensations, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually… that feeling of bliss and awe and… well, you know what I mean.

Sometimes my wife knows when I need an orgasm, before I even do.  I get into what we refer to as the ‘spiral of doom’, my mood plummets at an astonishing rate and nothing gets through to me.  Except those feel-good post-orgasm hormones.  Usually I go and hide in bed, my wife quickly joins me and before long I am deep in the throes – after I orgasm I am like a new person – and this is why my wifey refers to it as ‘resetting my brain’.   This is a treatment method I’m yet to discuss with my psychologist.

Because there is the potential for so many black clouds in my emotional and mental landscape, I have finally stopped wondering why I can still enjoy sex, and am instead embracing it.

Even if it does exhaust my poor wife.

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I am really curious to find out whether or not I am some sort of exception, so if you have experienced depression at any stage I would love if you could answer my poll, you can do an answer for non-medicated and medicated depression.

this has become a bit of a mantra for me... my wife makes me say it out loud when I'm in the depths of depression... slowly I am starting to believe it

this has become a bit of a mantra for me… my wife makes me say it out loud when I’m in the depths of depression… slowly I am starting to believe it

Jamie finally gets to live out her m/f/m fantasy (part 2)

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Yesterday I posted part one of Jamie’s threesome with Josh and Marcus… as promised here is part two!

 

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After a few minutes she began feeling alive again and having two hard cocks pressing against her was making her feel alive in more ways than one.

“Perhaps we should get in the bed properly,” Jamie suggested and Josh chuckled.

“It might be a bit more comfortable,” Josh agreed as the three of them sat up.

“You still okay with this?” Marcus asked and Jamie liked that he did. They had spoken at length about how important it was for one of them to say if they wanted to stop, and that if any of them went through with it just to keep the others happy, it would end badly.

“Very okay with this, as long as both of you are,” Jamie replied as they all got off the bed and she pulled back the covers.

“Oh, I am more than okay with it,” Marcus said with a smirk as he pulled his pants and boxers down, making it visually clear just how okay he was with it.

“Does it look like I want to stop?” Josh asked pointedly as he too lost his pants and boxers. Jamie whimpered as she chewed on her bottom lip – seven years they had been together – and the sight of him in his naked, tattooed glory still made her breath hitch

Jamie sat in the middle of the bed and patted the empty space on either side of her, winking at both of the men as she did so. Josh got in the bed and began to kiss her hungrily. It seemed only natural to move her hand down and when she gripped him tightly she felt a renewed clenching deep inside. Josh groaned loudly as Jamie started moving her hand up and down his cock, and as she moved her other hand to Marcus’s crotch, she could hear Marcus’s breathing getting faster, then much louder when she finally took him in her fist.

Two cocks. She had two cocks in her hands. Jamie couldn’t really believe the situation she found herself in. It had been nothing more than a fantasy for a long time and to be able to live it out was an incredible feeling; the fact she was doing it with the love of her life and her best friend made it even better.

The three of them had always been open about their sex lives and while Josh and Marcus both made it clear they had no desire to experiment with other men, she loved that they were comfortable enough with each other and their own sexuality to help make her fantasy come true. It was by no means the sort of thing you could ask any old friend to do.

It didn’t take much for Jamie to get carried away. Having two cocks at her mercy gave her an arousing sense of power, the groans and moans coming from Josh and Marcus spurring her on to move her hands faster. She probably could keep going until they both got off, but that wasn’t how she wanted the night to end for the two men. She wanted their night to end when they were both buried deep inside her, spent, after filling her with their cocks and their cum. Both men were like steel in her hands and her pussy was beyond sopping wet.

She knew they were all ready to take the next step.

Jamie broke off the kiss between her and Josh, and smiled softly at him. ‘I love you,’ she mouthed and Josh gave her an adoring look as he mouthed ‘I love you‘ back. It was time. She knew it, he knew it, and turning around to look at Marcus, the wild look on his face suggested he knew it was well.

Lying down, Jamie rolled onto her side and smiled at Marcus then lightly pressed her lips against his and immediately felt her pussy reacting. His cock was solid against her belly, while Josh’s was equally hard against the small of her back as he kissed along the back of her shoulders and traced lazy circles on her hip.

The kiss between her and Marcus became more passion-fuelled and instinctively Jamie pressed her hips against him. His body felt so strong and hard against her own, familiar, safe… but at the same time it was something she felt detached from.

Josh pressed up behind her and when she felt the tip of his cock nudge against the crack of her ass she let out an deep-seeded moan as flashbacks of his cock moving slowly in and out of her ass flooded her memory. The length of Marcus’s cock was pressing against her slit, the pressure causing her cunt to clench uncontrollably – she needed Josh, she needed Marcus – every single nerve in her body was craving the feeling of their cocks.

It was time.

Jamie gave Marcus a subtle nod of her head, which he returned, their signal for ‘ready‘. With Marcus’s permission granted, Jamie moved her top leg over his hip and tilted her hips until she felt the swollen tip of his cock pressing against her hole. Very slowly Marcus pulled on her hips and as his cock slid inside, Jamie held her breath, exhaling loudly when his cock came in contact with the back of her pussy.

Behind her she felt Josh rolling away, then rolling back in toward her. The sound of the lid on the tube of lubricant being opened made her heart race, but not as much as the sensation of Josh applying the lube to her hole. Anticipation caused her to hold her breath for the moment she felt Josh’s index finger probing at her asshole and as he gently worked it inside her she let out a loud whimper. Her whimper turned to a shaky moan when Josh added a second finger and as he slowly moved them in and out, Jamie found herself wanting – needing – more, namely his cock.

When he moved his fingers away from her hole Jamie could picture him coating his stiff cock with lube. She could picture the excited yet tender look on his face as he ran his fingers down her spine, she could picture the way he was biting his lip as he lined himself up and started to very gently rub the tip of his cock around her hole.

Marcus winked at her and put his hand behind her head and pulled her in for a kiss. Jamie moaned softly against Marcus’s mouth and moved her arm behind her, putting it on Josh’s hip, their agreed upon signal that he could officially make her fantasy come true.

Almost imperceptibly slowly Josh began to penetrate her asshole, and Jamie groaned against Marcus’s mouth. It didn’t hurt, it wasn’t uncomfortable, but the sensation of being filled up in that way was always one that took a few moments for her to get used to.

Jamie could feel herself being stretched open with such an intensity it was almost too much for her. Again, not uncomfortable, just overwhelming. Pleasurably overwhelming.

When Josh was all the way inside he remained perfectly still for a few seconds, giving her body a chance to get used to the intrusion. Instinctively Jamie began to move her hips against Marcus, amazed by just how sensitive she felt with two cocks inside her in comparison to just the one. Everything was amplified, the pressure, the friction, the delicious stretch… it already felt more amazing than she had dreamed it would and they had barely started moving!

They took it very slowly. Even though the threesome was technically about her, she wanted it to be a pleasurable experience for Marcus and Josh as well and she knew that taking their time was a way to ensure that happened. Taking it slowly would also give Marcus and Josh a chance to get accustomed to feeling each other as they moved against Jamie.

Everyone had acknowledged it wasn’t only Jamie that would be experiencing something she had never felt before, the same went for Marcus and Josh, who, even though they were in different holes, would be able to feel each other’s cocks. Before they had agreed to go through with it Jamie had wanted to know that it was something they felt 100% okay about. She didn’t want the experience to leave either feeling awkward or for it to change things between the two men. Yes, things would change slightly, but she didn’t want them to change in a bad or negative way. It was only with reassurances from both men that they had finally agreed to go through with it.

Josh kept his movements nice and slow, gliding in and out in a way that heightened sensation for her, making each stroke of his cock more pleasurable. Marcus was moving faster and Jamie loved the way his cock was hitting the back of her pussy at an angle that meant her A-spot was getting a lot of stimulation. The position of her hips meant ther was almost constant friction against her clit and it felt divine; she really had the best of both worlds. Josh’s cock was rubbing against nerves that didn’t usually get stimulated and that was heightening the pleasure caused by the spots Marcus was hitting.

The more into it Jamie got, the faster she moved her hips and the inevitable result was that both men began moving faster. She was crying out louder with each increase in the speed of their hips and knew that her cries were spurring the men on; though they had agreed to take things slow, they soon enough reached the point that she needed it harder and faster – in both holes – and the men were only too happy to comply.

She could feel how swollen Josh’s cock was as he moved inside her with powerful yet careful movements. He was unable to control the volume of his groans and Jamie was sure that with each powerful drive of his hips, his groans were getting louder and more desperate. Marcus was a little less careful with his thrusts, but that was the way Jamie liked it – she needed to feel his cock slamming into her pussy – it was in perfect contrast to Josh’s more controlled movements.

The sensation of fullness really was like nothing she had ever experienced before. Before they got started she knew she it would feel different, but she had no idea just how much! That fullness was at its best when Marcus and Josh somehow got into a rhythm and were both on the in-thrust at the same time. Having two cocks moving in her at the same time created a huge stretch at the peak of the stroke, followed by a second of feeling suddenly empty before BOOM, overwhelming fullness again.

Jamie felt almost crazed as the full/empty/full sensation was repeated over, and over, and over; her clit was throbbing wildly, the walls of her pussy were swollen and growing more sensitive with each of Marcus’s thrusts. Her ass was much the same, only it was a lot more sensitive than her cunt, every stroke of Josh’s hard, thick length elliciting a deep moan from her.

In the deepest recesses of her pussy she could feel her orgasm developing, it was like a storm brewing and she knew that when it hit, it was going to hit hard. Her hips were moving at a frantic pace that she wasn’t controlling – she gave herself over to the sensation and let her hips move naturally – she had never felt quite so out of control during sex. It was a very primal, almost animalistic feeling.

Marcus and Josh both felt hot and sweaty against her but that only added to the overall experience, as did the loud guttural groans coming from both of them. Knowing them as well as she did sexually, she could tell both men were getting close to their rapturous peak and somehow she gave herself over even more to the sensation coursing through her system. She allowed herself to feel everything and in a way reached a mental state of zen like relaxation, instantly that feeling of a storm brewing deep inside her increased and she braced herself for what was to come.

“Harder… now… pl-” Jamie begged, not needing to finish her plea as both men immediately picked up the pace and began slamming into her.

Heat.

She could feel heat spreading throughout her body. Her toes, her calves, her thighs, her abdomen, her chest, her shoulders, her head. Intense heat, coursing from a place she didn’t even know existed inside.

Tension.

It spread faster than the heat, her entire body going rigid and taut as that storm approached, waiting to burst free.

Screaming.

She was screaming louder than she had ever screamed before, her throat feeling raw, her lungs burning.

Dizzy.

The room was spinning, she felt as if she was watching the whole thing taking place from outside of her body.

Then it hit. Hard, fierce, violent.

Her body shook to the core as the walls of her pussy gripped and released Marcus’s cock with so much power she was aware of his groans becoming deeper, louder, almost pained, as his own orgasm was triggered. He pushed into her with one final, forceful thrust, his cock hitting her A-spot so hard that a second orgasm hit out of nowhere and she let out a strangled scream as she experienced sensory overload that was so pleasurable she felt she might pass out from it.

Josh’s fingers digging into her hip snapped her out of it and as the foggy haze started to clear, he let out a loud grunt and pushed into her, his cock hitting deeper than it had at any point, ever. Jamie could feel his cock pulsating against her walls as he emptied himself inside her ass, his fingers digging so deeply into her hip, it was as if he was hanging on for dear life.

And then they were still. The room was filled with sounds of the laboured breathing of three people who had experienced three indescribable orgasms. Jamie was conscious of Josh slowly pulling out of her and seconds later she felt Marcus’s cock leaving her pussy. Suddenly she was empty. There was an incredible void inside her; she could feel her cunt almost quivering at the sudden emptiness.

Swollen.

She had never felt so swollen, or tender. Or beautifully sated.

Jamie briefly pressed her lips against Marcus’s, before managing the effort of rolling over and finally being face-to-face with Josh. The beautiful man who would do anything for her.

Josh smiled softly at her as he moved his hand up and stroked her cheek while looking adoringly at her.

“I love you,” Josh whispered and Jamie felt close to tears as she returned his smile.

“I love you too,” Jamie replied, leaning in and softly brushing her lips against his.

Behind her Jamie could feel Marcus rolling over onto his stomach and giggled quietly when he began quietly snoring.

“How about we let him sleep and go have a shower?” Jamie suggested quietly and Josh nodded in agreement.

“Sounds good to me,” Josh replied, kissing her again before rolling over and getting out of the bed.

Jamie and Josh picked up their clothes from the floor and tip-toed out of the room, closing the door quietly behind them. Walking into their bedroom Jamie rolled her eyes as she felt cum dribbling down her inner thighs. Sex. It wasn’t always pretty! She followed Josh into the ensuite and both dropped their clothes in the hamper as they passed it. He turned the shower on and she put both of their robes on the heated towel rail, ready for when they got out… there was nothing she liked more than getting out of the shower and putting a toasty warm robe on!

When they stepped into the shower cubicle Jamie immediately found her way into Josh’s arms. She smiled against his chest as the water coursed over them, the soothing heat pelting against her skin in a way that made her feel unexpectedly sleepy. Obviously picking up on the drowsy state she was in, Josh took over the role of washing her.

He started with her hair; his hands felt so good massaging her scalp that she let out relaxed sigh after relaxed sigh. When he was done with her hair his soapy hands roamed her body, cleansing every inch of skin with a heavenly touch so light she could barely feel it. He was very gentle when he dropped to his knees and soaped between her legs. Any other time, having hands between her legs like that would have led to steamy shower sex, but not that night. It was no exaggeration to say she was sexed out and all she wanted to do was snuggle up in bed with Josh, his arms protectively around her, their legs entwined, listening to the sound of each other breathing.

Fifteen minutes later that is exactly where they were. Josh went as far as putting her favourite mink blanket on top of the duvet, creating an extra cosy feeling when he pulled the blankets right up around her head the way she liked. His skin was soft and warm against hers and although she wasn’t up for sex, she couldn’t keep her hands off him, tracing the designs tattooed on his belly with a lazy finger, enjoying the way his skin felt against her fingertips.

“Thank you for tonight,” Jamie whispered.

“Did it live up to the image in your mind?” Josh asked curiously and Jamie moved up slightly, Josh repositioning the blankets over them.

“It was better than anything I had dreamed up,” Jamie admitted and could feel herself blushing as she remembered what they’d been doing only an hour earlier.

“You have no idea how happy that makes me,” Josh replied and kissed her on the forehead.

“Was it… was it weird for you?” Jamie had to ask. Josh chuckled quietly.

“Is it something I would want to do every night? No,” Josh replied, continuing, “Was it weird? Well, it was a little at the start, but when things started properly, when I was playing with your nipples and Marcus was eating you, I kind of just focused on what I was doing and how you were responding,” he told her, taking a break to kiss her. When the kiss came to an end he carried on, “by the time we got down to the – uh – main act, if you will, I got so carried away by what I was doing that I wasn’t really thinking about the fact Marcus was in bed with us,” he explained.

“But you could obviously feel him?” Jamie asked, enjoying that they could be so open about what had just happened.

“I could, but like I said, I was more focused on what I was doing to you. I guess if none of us were really into it it would have been a different story, it’s probably all I would have focused on, but it didn’t bother me at all,” Josh responded.

“Just so you know, it’s not something I’d want to do every night either,” Jamie reassured him.

“Would you do it again?” Josh asked seriously and Jamie shrugged.

“I don’t think so,” Jamie replied honestly. “I got it out of my system,” she giggled, then corrected herself, “well, in my system,” and they both laughed. “I know it is a major cliché, but you are more than enough man for me,” she finished, meaning every single word of it.

“I love you, you crazy woman,” Josh yawned and Jamie grinned at him.

“I love you too, you crazy man,” Jamie replied and pressed her lips against his.

“Sweet dreams,” Josh yawned again and after one final kiss Jamie rolled over in his arms and yawned loudly.

Very soon she felt sleep starting to take over, and mused that with Josh’s body pressed up against her, his arms protectively around her and the blankets pulled all the way up, it could have been any normal night for them. Had they really just had a threesome?!

When Jamie woke the next morning she stretched out and smiled sleepily. She loved Saturday mornings. No 6am wake up call. No work. Nowhere to be. It was heaven. Though it had never been something they had discussed or agreed on, Josh always let her sleep in on Saturday mornings. On Sunday morning they tended to spend most of their time in bed together, but on Saturday Josh left Jamie to sleep, telling her she deserved it after how hard she worked during the week.

In reality, Jamie knew it was really a way for him to spend time playing video games or watching his favourite martial arts movies, but she didn’t mind. Just because they were in a relationship didn’t mean they needed to spend every spare second of their time together, besides, when she did surface on a Saturday morning Josh always stopped what he was doing and they did things together.

That particular morning Jamie felt nervous and it took her a couple of minutes to put a finger on why. Yes, somehow she had managed to forget about the fact she, Josh and Marcus had had a threesome only 12 hours earlier. She had no idea whether Marcus was still there and if he was, she had no idea what the atmosphere would be like between him and Josh. They had all agreed they had the type of friendship that wouldn’t be negatively impacted if they went through with the threesome, but she wasn’t an idiot, she knew that until you were in that time and place you really had no idea how you’d react to something.

Part of her wanted to stay in bed and hide, part of her desperately wanted a coffee and it didn’t take long before the coffee-loving part won out. Jamie got out of bed and put trackpants and a T-shirt on, taking a deep breath before she opened the bedroom door. From where she stood in the hall Jamie could hear the unmistakeable faux-car sounds of a video game and walking toward the lounge she could hear voices. Marcus was obviously still there. Surely that was a good sign that things weren’t awkward between the two men?

Jamie opened the lounge door and entered, not at all surprised to find the two men on the couch, video game controllers in hand and an empty packet of chocolate biscuits on the floor. It wasn’t until she was standing right beside Josh that he even noticed she was there.

“Morning babe,” Josh greeted her, not taking his eyes of the TV screen.

“Hey sleepy,” Marcus joked, his eyes not leaving the TV screen either.

“Both of you sleep okay?” Jamie asked, sitting down beside Josh.

“Fine,” Josh replied, eyes still glued to the screen.

“Best sleep I’ve had in ages,” Marcus announced, but like Josh, his eyes didn’t leave the screen.

“Coffee?” Jamie offered and Josh nodded his head.

“Yes please, I will beat this douchebag in just a second,” Josh replied, then laughed loudly as the car Marcus was controlling crashed and burst into flames.

“You’re a cheat!” Marcus cried out and Jamie watched, amused, as Josh poked his tongue out at him.

“Na, you just suck!” Josh said gleefully.

“Whatever, dick, I let you win!” Marcus retorted and Jamie rolled her eyes.

“How old are the two of you meant to be again?” Jamie asked teasingly.

“I guess we should stop while I’m ahead,” Josh sighed and Jamie winked at Marcus.

“I dunno about that, it’ll take me a few minutes to make the coffee, I’m sure there is enough time for Marcus to beat you,” Jamie suggested innocently.

“It’s on!” Marcus yelled and Jamie laughed as she watched the two men glaring at each other.

“Prepare to lose, again!” Josh exclaimed. He hit a button on his controller and the game started again.

Jamie laughed quietly as she watched the two men becoming instantly immersed in their battle. She had no idea why she had felt so nervous about how the atmosphere would be that morning. It was life as usual for the three of them; Marcus and Josh taking a break from the adult world and acting like teenagers, her rolling her eyes at the scene, while at the same time feeling blessed to have such an amazing partner and a best friend who hadn’t let sex get in the way of their friendship.

 

The story of us

This time of year always makes me feel a little giddy.  It’s not because of Christmas (let’s face it, Christmas is stressful) and it’s not because 22a6ae5f654a0e5c5de8b8c939be45e8of New Years (as a parent NYE is just another night and NYD is just another day); no, it is because it is this time of year I fell in love with my wife… and for some crazy reason, she fell in love with me.  It was unexpected, it was beautiful, it was amazing.  And our relationship (marriage!) still is.

August 2010 – my youngest was about two months old and I decided to seek out some online single parenting support.  I managed to track down a message board based in New Zealand and finally started to connect with other single mums.  One of those mums is the woman who became my bestfriend, soulmate, and wife.

February 2011 – the city I live(d) in was struck by a devastating earthquake which killed 185 people.  The suburb I lived in was a write-off and my children and I had to live with my parents for three months.  Immediately after the quake one of the women on my parenting forum sent me a text message.  I thought it was incredibly sweet of her.

June 2011 – we experienced two big aftershocks (yes, months after that second large quake), I had officially had enough so packed up the car and escaped down south.  I dropped a friend off in her hometown, stayed the night with her, then we drove to my Grandma’s house in Central Otago.   It was during this time that I began texting back and forward with the woman who – unbeknownst to either of us – would go on to be my wonderful wife.  Each day we text each other more and more and very quickly she became someone I considered one of my best friends… even though we’d never met in ‘real life’.

November 2011 – we had started texting non-stop everyday and spent hours IM’ing each other on Skype and Facebook.  When she told me her kids were going with their father for three weeks after Christmas I jokingly suggested she could come and stay with me and my kiddos.  It wasn’t long after she had flights booked.

December 28 2011 – ‘I will wait for you under the big flag,’ came the text from my future wife as I got to the airport to pick her up.  Looking up I laughed, there were about 20 big flags.  Eventually I found her.  We hugged.  It felt as if we had been friends for years, not mere months.

January 1 2012 – in the very early hours of the morning my then 18 month old decided it would be a great idea to wake up and refuse to go back to sleep.  I got very frustrated and upset (I’m not much of a middle-of-the-night person!), I believe she had been teething and I had reached the end of my tether, so to speak.  A friend had come over for NYE and stayed the night, she insisted I go back to bed and she would look after the little one for me… I refused but she insisted, so back to bed I went.  My future wife opened her arms to me and gave me the hug I so badly needed.  I think I cried.  I probably did, I cry a lot.

It was then that things changed.  As I lay with my head against her chest I began imagining things… namely me kissing her, me touching her and exploring the boobs I hadn’t been able to stop looking at since she arrived.  The only thing that stopped me was the time.  And not knowing how she would react.  We had spoken about sexuality a lot and while I had been in a relationship with a woman and loosely considered myself bisexual, I knew that she hadn’t and didn’t really have any inclination to.  There was no way I wanted to ruin our friendship because I had no self-control… we went to sleep eventually.

January 4 2012 – we were lying in bed cuddling… neither of us remember why or how we started cuddling each morning, but we did.  We were those sort of friends I guess.  I had been feeling a bit conflicted since New Years, I was starting to develop feelings for her and it was hard not to act on them, but like on New Years, I didn’t want to ruin our friendship or make things awkward by making unwanted advances toward her.

So we were in bed cuddling like normal… and then my hand started to move.  I tried to stop it, but I just couldn’t.  I knew if she wanted me to stop she would say so, so when my fingers brushed over her nipple that very first time I felt all sorts of excitement and shock.  I started to rub her nipple and when she began to quietly moan I realised she wasn’t going to ask me to stop.  Somehow I went from rubbing her nipple to sucking it through the fabric of her tank top… she was responding very positively and I got the shock of my life (a very good shock!) when she pulled her tank top down so her boobs were revealed.  When my tongue touched her nipple there was no way I could stop and my hand very quickly travelled south.  I couldn’t believe I was sucking on her nipple while rubbing her clit through her panties… I couldn’t believe just how strongly she was reacting to my touch.  She came and the next thing I knew I was rubbing against her leg and quickly orgasmed myself.  It was then that we kissed for the first time and I knew we were going to be together forever.  Sounds stupid, sounds cliché, but I knew she was my soulmate.

That first day was a little… not awkward, but we were both nervous, I guess… when we got into bed that night that nervousness soon disappeared and we spent a lot of time kissing and touching.  It’s all a bit of a blur now, but there were orgasms.  Plenty of them.

January 7 2012 – both of my children left to spend the weekend with their father’s.  Future wifey and I were lying on my bed together, tumblr_mhxrsvK9Tw1s356qho1_500naked, happy, blissed out.  My head was a jumble.  I was trying to get out those three little words that mean so much.  They would get to the tip of my tongue and wouldn’t go any further.  What if she didn’t feel the same way?  What if it was just a little fling for her?  What if she was just experimenting?  In my heart I knew none of those were the case and that she felt the same way about me as I felt about her, but the fear of rejection has always been strong with me.  I knew I had to say it, I had to get it out before I lost the chance… she was going home four days later, and I didn’t want that to be the end of us.  As it was, it was her who said those three little words first.  Not that I actually heard them!  Stupid fluid on the ears has left me with hearing difficulties… and I missed those damn words!  I told her I loved her, she told me she loved me – and then informed me she had been worried when she said them and I didn’t reply.  We got there eventually 😉

January 11 2012 – she left to go home… 650km away.  I won’t go into detail because even now the memory makes me cry.

April 2012 – she came to stay for a week in the school holidays

June 2012 – she came down for a weekend so we could go to a rugby game together

July 2012 – she came to stay for a week in the school holidays… we became officially engaged (though we had known since before she left in January that we would get married eventually!)

September 2012 – my kiddos and I went to stay with her and her kiddos for 18 days

December 19 2012 – she and her kiddos came down to spend Christmas with me and my family

January 2 2013 – her kiddos flew back up north for their three weeks with their dad

January 4 2013 – we celebrated our one year anniversary together with a fancy meal and a night in a motel

January 6 2013 – future wife went home… and me and my kiddos went with her!  Yeap, a year of long distance was more than enough for us and it was time to start our life together!

April 13 2013 – we had a civil union… four days later politicians voted to same-sex marriage legal in New Zealand; it became legal on August 19th that year

September 20 2013 – we had a little ceremony to upgrade from civil union to marriage.  We were officially as married as we could be!

~

I haven’t included the trials and tribulations of our 12 months apart because there is enough in that for a whole blog post (or four); but people often ask me how we got together so I thought I would post our story!  If anyone reading this is in a long distance relationship I hope it gives you some faith that long distance relationships can work out… because they can!  While I wouldn’t want to go through another 12 months of living apart, looking back, it was so worth it… and I think it made us appreciate each other a lot more.

kuEPkYt

Trust, respect & kinks

I try to insert my own thoughts into my blog, even if it is possibly not as often as I should.  Since I began embracing the erotica-author side of myself, my eyes have been opened to a whole new world.

I have met, mostly through Twitter, women (fellow authors) who are from a variety of sexual
lifestyles.  I have met monogamous women, I have met women who are single and enjoy casual sex, I have met women who are in polyamorous relationship, women who enjoy BDSM, women who are dominants, women who are submissives.  I have heard stories of dog collars, of spankings, of masters. I have heard about fetishes.  I have heard so many first hand accounts of lifestyles that until now made me blush slightly.

These women are just like me, and do not fill the pre-conceived notion I had of the ‘type of woman’ who would ‘be into that’… some of these women are the loveliest, sweetest, most intelligent women I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.  During all my discussions, there has been one constant, ONE factor which has been the same for all of them, regardless of what gets them off, regardless of the configuration of their relationship, regardless of the type of their relationship.

All of them have mentioned TRUST.

They trust the person/s they are in a relationship with.  They may call their boyfriend/husband/lover ‘master’, they may have three boyfriends, they may be submissive in the bedroom (or you know, the kitchen, the bathroom, the backyard, the secluded area in a very public place), they may be any number of things, but whatever the relationship dynamic, they have TRUST in the other person/s.

It got me thinking about my own life and the various situations I have found myself in.  I had the most deathly boring sex life with two of my exes, who I see now I was with for the wrong reasons.  I was with them simply because I wanted a boyfriend.  We had sex, it was very vanilla… we both got what we needed, but that was as far as it went.

In between those men, I found myself in a sexually abusive relationship, he forced me to be the submissive to his dominant.  At the time I was in my early 20’s, he was closer to 30, and for a start I thought it was great fun… I had never been with a man who was ‘a bit kinky’, and for a small space of time, I thought that was all it was, a bit of kink.  Looking back now, I can see he is a man that is very much a dominant, but what he did with me went far beyond dominating me.  He was sexually abusive, he was cruel, he was mean, he had no respect for me whatsoever, and though he said he loved me, I know he didn’t.  I was too weak to say no, to stop him and say ‘I don’t like this’… on the few occasions I did say no, or ask him to stop whatever it was he was doing, he would tell me that NO, he would not stop.  I was his ‘slut’, and I had to ‘take it’.

I think part of me knew it was wrong, that the relationship wasn’t a ‘kinky relationship’, as I called it to try and justify his behaviour.   In the end it took me six months to finally see the relationship for what it was, and then proceeded to have an emotional breakdown, right there on the spot.

I briefly, STUPIDLY let him back into my life for a month, three years ago, and in that month I realised he hadn’t changed, that when he said he ‘missed me’, what he really meant was ‘I am single, I need someone to control and hurt’.  Thank goodness I was wise enough to realise that I was a fucking idiot for letting him back in, and then closed the door on him for good.

After him, relationships scared me, men scared me, and when I would hear of BDSM and dom/sub relationships, I would screw up my nose and think about how awful the men who enjoy those relationships must be.  He really clouded my view on sex… and I went from being a woman who wanted to experience and explore sexuality, to a woman who wanted very vanilla sex, with a man who wouldn’t have the balls to tell me what to do.

Turned out those relationships weren’t very satisfying for me… not emotionally or mentally anyway.

THEN I met my wife, my wonderful, beautiful, amazing wife… and over time, my outlook changed.  It didn’t take long after we met (and were friends, nothing more) that we started talking about sex, and various fantasies.  I explained about my abusive relationship, and that any form of kink had been ruined for me, forever.  I was destined to a life of purely vanilla sex, I was sure.

Fast forward about 2 1/2 years… I am now married to that wonderful woman, and we enjoy a sex life full of kink.  Because I know some of our friends will be reading this post, I won’t go into specifics, but let’s just say, vanilla is only an ice cream flavour in this house!

WHAT made kink okay again?  Why do I get so incredibly turned on by certain things my wife does to me, that a few years ago would have terrified me?

Trust.  That is why.
Respect.  That is why.

If I didn’t trust her, there is no way I would be living out my naughtiest fantasies right now.  When we enter our little world of kink (not that it is very extreme!), we have fun, we enjoy it, we RESPECT each other… we are equals, I feel safe, and further, I feel loved.

I guess that is the moral of this little story… who gives a fuck what others do in the privacy of their own home (or secluded public space), as long as they have trust and respect?  I am sure there are ‘straight’ ‘vanilla’ couples out there who treat each other like shit, and then judge those with ‘alternative’ sexual lifestyles, and in that case, who is worse off?  The woman with 3 boyfriends who all love and respect her, or the woman who can’t trust her husband, who treats her like a maid?